She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
