I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
