Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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