Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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