just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
