piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
