I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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