Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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