So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
