How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
