I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
