Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
