yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
