The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
