I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
vagina is talking i cant
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
