You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
