Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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