I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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