i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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