please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
