Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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