You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
