he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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