Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
