Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
