i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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