Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
