Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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