Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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