that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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