You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
