Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
