There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
