great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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