Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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