How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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