I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
