Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
