i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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