dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
