I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
