The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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