I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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