thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
