saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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