would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
