oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
