the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
