Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
