Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
