piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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