My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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