ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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