My room smells like vodka and shame
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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