why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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