i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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