I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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