You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
