we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
