As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
