she looked like the before picture.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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