I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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