i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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